Frustrated, I jump up and down. I move even faster but I can't get the the step right.

There is a short, sporty-looking Japanese woman yelling "Go, go, go. Faster. Go. Now! Lift your legs higher. In the back higher." Even, the soft lilt of her accent cannot make the orders that she fires out any less threatening.

Threatening, because, as anyone who knows me is painfully aware, I am not a dancer. There is no way I can keep up with these bizarre instructions. But this isn't dancing, so I persevere.

Jump, jump, jump, jump left, jump right leg in, jump left leg up, jump right leg out, jump right leg up, jump right.

Did I mention there are hand movements related to all of this?
I live in fear of landing on the springs; or could I somehow land on the trampoline to my right? On top of the woman next to me?

I have been taking this mini trampoline class once a week for a while. The idea was to have lower impact activities in between the days that I jog to give my knees a bit of a rest. I don't actually know that my knees need rest, but since they are sensitive it seemed like something I might try out.

The nice thing is that since it is a class there is no asking myself "Haven't I done enough? Can't I just go home now?" The class starts when it starts and, well, I won't compound my inability to follow even the most basic instructions by being the one who left early.

It certainly gets my heart rate up although whether its out of fear or exertion I cannot say.

So I return the next week. Hoping that I am somehow bouncing my way into better health--and few less inches in a few key places.

But there is something about 40 grown women jumping on tiny trampolines to fast paced horrible music that makes me cringe. It seems so synthetic.

That is of course because it is. Unlike running, something we did before we even human. Biking, a practical invention, is not natural but seems completely reasonable. Ice skating is a smart response to ice, you no longer fall and you're faster.
Trampolining is a bit more suspect. If graceful, like synchronized trampoline (yes its real and an Olympic sport) it's strange but somehow imbued with a kind meaning. but that comparison just makes this class even more depressing, as it's devoid of flips and pirouettes and all takes place on what looks like a kiddie version of a trampoline--and aren't trampolines already for kids. That said I am taking it again this week...